bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
