I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
