I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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