so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
