Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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