I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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