Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
