you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
