the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
