his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
