So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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