Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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