Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need moral support for this bender
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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