i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
