Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
