well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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