i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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