i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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