just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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