My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
