I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
