WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The power of my boobs compel you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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