dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
