plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
