She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
