Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
