so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
