i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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