Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
