Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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