I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
