why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
