Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
