Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
