dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
