Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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