We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I will be naked everywhere
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
