Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
