I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
