I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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