Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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