My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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