I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
