just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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