We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
