yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
