Pants 0. Shit 1.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
