dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
