Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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