My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
