im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
