Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
