When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
