We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My breasts were aching with rage.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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