im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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