We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
