i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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