when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the day after is always just damage control
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
