i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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