Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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