Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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