spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Girls should come with a carfax report
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
