Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I could fuck to npr.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
