this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wow bdsm is so cute
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
