I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I could make wine with my vomit
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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