ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
