You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
