somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
