Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
