fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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