If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
