I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
