the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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