The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
